“If the divine master’s plan is perfection, maybe next I’ll give Judas a try…”
Tori Amos, “Spark”
American televangelist and 700 Club minister of propaganda Pat Robertson has made a total ass of himself.
Gee. It must be Tuesday.
From the mind that brought you such classics as 9/11 being God’s punishment for abortion and hurricane Katrina being the result of tolerance for homosexuals comes another golden hit. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the massive Haitian earthquake that has left upwards of 100,000 people dead is the result of a pact with the Devil.
According to Pat, the people of Haiti made a pact with Ole’ Scratch to get Napolean III and the French out. Ever since then, they have been cursed. While I am inclined to agree with Pat that Satan might be sympathetic towards those rebelling against an abusive tyrant (Lucifer would know something about that), I can’t help but wonder if he goes home at night and hangs garlic from his windows to keep the vampires away, or sticks leeches on himself to balance his Humours. Could he get on a ship and sail to China without being afraid to sail off the edge of a flat world? Wake up Pat and smell the 21st century. Hell, even the 19th.
The media has, predictably, railed against him. One commentator went so far as to wonder if Pat is out of his mind. Well of course he is, people. News flash: he believes that virgins give birth, the dead get raised, and that some big invisible guy is watching us from the sky.
I have never been shy about my opinion that religion is a mental illness, and one with the same root cause as drug addiction, alcoholism, or those nuts who study Klingon and get married in Star Fleet uniforms. Reality is harsh, and to paraphrase Shirley Jackson, no creature can remain sane long under conditions of absolute reality. From time to time, we all need to escape, to get away from the way things are into a comforting dream. There is nothing wrong with having a few beers, a wee nip of Scotch, or losing oneself in a good book/film/game. Nor is there anything wrong with seeking refuge, in times of trouble, in prayer. But when you get to the point that your life revolves around the bottle, the next episode of Battlestar Galactica, or the Bible, you’ve taken things a bit too far.
I think this explains a bit the curious relationship between religion and other addicting behaviors. How many times, for example, have you met people who used to be drug addicts and alcoholics before they “found God?” Clearly they have moved from one addiction to another, the way heroin users are weaned with methadone. And consider the reaction strong religions like Puritanism and Islam have against alcohol, almost as if they don’t want the competition. Curiously, here in Japan, religion as we know it in the West doesn’t exist. Sure, there are shrines and temples, but the only times people visit them are New Year’s, when they want good luck for something, or funerals. Even weddings these days are done in hotels. Lacking strong religion, alcohol is far more available and more tolerated. It is perfectly acceptable for a businessman to be stinking drunk and throw up on a late-night communter train. Drinking is a recognized way for escaping the pressures of life. By contrast, such behavior would never be tolerated in the United States. On the other hand, we give religion a pass that we would never give other types of mental illness. If a President of the United States claimed he went to war because aliens were beaming transmissions into his head, he’d be impeached. If he said God told him to go to war, he gets a second term.
We have been conditioned to tolerate the most grotesque absurdities because they are someone’s religious beliefs. From a legal standpoint, I applaud this. No government should have the right to arrest people for their ideals. But I reject the notion that as a member of polite society I must smile and accept someone’s irrationality on the grounds that they are entitled to their beliefs, and it troubles me that people who believe an Apocalypse is a “good thing” have the right to vote. We have laws against driving while drunk, shouldn’t we at least be skeptical of voting while expecting Rapture? Why fear the destruction of the biosphere or nuclear holocause when it all just means God will sweep in and build a New Jerusalem on Earth?
Sure. And the aliens will give Elvis back.
Back to Pat. I am not sure Pat-Pattie-McPat even believes what he says half the time. The cynic in me thinks he is really more the heroin dealer than the heroin addict. After all, he has made a very comfortable living for himself by pumping people full of crap (aka, his “ministry;” come to think of it, drugs are ad-minister-ed too). Then again, so has the Pope. Much like any collection of ancient myths, the Bible is full of colorful stories to explain why things happen. To explain to themselves why bad things happened to them, the Hebrews blamed it on punishments from God. To keep his followers loyal, in line, and contributing to his coffers, Robertson jumps on any natural disaster (euphemistically “acts of God”) as evidence that Yahweh is still up there throwing temper tantrums. But really, Pat, any deity who murders 100,000 people because he’s ticked off with them is, much like yourself, an asshole.
And though I cannot conceive of the possibility that people like Pat are right, if there really is a God up there aiming airplanes at skyscrapers, whirling hurricanes, unleashing AIDS, and crushing thousands with earthquakes, sign me up with the Other Team. If Robertson's sick, bent Almighty is really the Guy in Charge, Satan would have the moral high ground.
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